A Kirby vacuum salesman came to my home tonight and sucked up every bit of dirt deposited in my carpets over the last 30 years the carpets have lived in my apartment.
Yes. I’m 120% convinced the carpets are as old as I am.
He pulled out filter after filter covered in thick muckety-muck dirt and grime and even dirty dirt. It was gross. I was amazed.
Then he did his whole what-can-I-do-to-get-you-into-this-machine spiel and I laughed at the vacuum’s $2,000 price tag.
Seriously? Two thousand dollars? Does it make me a sandwich? Give me an orgasm? There are existing machines that do both of those things for much much less money (though admitedly not at the same time) (Japanese: please make that device a sammich-orgasmatron) (I would love you forever) (although knowing the Japanese this machine already exists with Hello Kitty’s visage).
It has a massage attachment! and you can talk them down to $1350 with a trade in. I love mine it is tough! and she withstands the beating the kids put her through! I used to have to buy a new vacuum yearly.
I tried to talk him down to $400 but he wasn’t too happy with that. He got pretty surly when I told him I really didn’t want to go into debt for a vacuum. “Why don’t you want to go into debt?” Uhh yeah. Great salesmanship there. Get back to the carpets.
And Bjorn: . My mom had one when I was growing up and it made the best grilled cheese.
Ah yea I’ve seen those they’re nifty. I was envisioning some sort of deluxe sandwich assembler takes your bread meat cheese veggies mayo etc and puts it all together for you. I imagine such a device would cost more than a Vacuum.
I was envisioning some sort of sandwich building machine that would take all of your fixings and build you a sandwich.
I’ll skip on the sandwich maker if I can have one of those hair-do-ers that the Jetsons have that can give you any style and length.
Cause it’s the only way I’ll ever get the giant pink pompadour I’ve always dreamed of having.
Your mom gave us your sandwich maker…it is awesome! Best grilled cheese ever! You can make me one next time you come over but you may have to wash it first cause yah know …kids!
It doesn’t even need to vacuum. We aren’t fussy about the floors around here not if we’re well-fed and our vile sexual appetites are slaked.
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